It's in seconds, and then it's over. Moving before she had thought it through, before she asked her hands what they were doing, before her ears heard Kashi pleading with her to stop. A momentum that was a spell all to itself, coming loose and firing. A fire that wove itself around her fingers. A closed fist that hits, and hits and hits again. Consuming. Destructive. It's over before she wondered if she could be sorry for any of it.

It is not until later that she follows along with what she'd done when she's brought forward to a court's full view. She, Lakshmi, had been walking through the market. Arm in arm with someone so dear to her, - she remembers that bit well enough. Kashi, laughing. Teasing. Kashi was always so beautiful, it had to get her in trouble one day. That, being the Lord's hand that as they stopped in their duties for the day, to roam across like he had a right. Like he deserved to touch something that beautiful.

At which point, the voices of her trial said, Lakshmi had a knife in her hand. That Lakshmi had kicked him, down and hard. That he had struck back but - she was not a great beauty, she was lean, sharp and quick. Better for the work she had been forced to for year after year, as her parents before. That she struck him down to his knees and caught the offending hand. That she could remember. The intimacy of lacing her fingers with his to wrenched it back, that she sliced is hand from his arm in a heavy blow that left him with a severed stump.

He had screamed and screamed and screamed. Kashi was screaming at her, stop, stop, stop. The knife dropped out of hand. Another hand that gripped hers, cooled her until someone else turned up to take her away.

Didn't remember him much, either. Just that he had sure hands and a sure gaze that told that stopped her from going further. Felt him clean the blood from her brow where it had splattered against her cheek, streaked her hair. Resetting her back to something like calm, away from what she'd just done until someone decidedly more important turned up.

After that, the trial was easy. Straight forward. No execution. No one needed a martyr. Instead, she had proved herself grown, proved herself ready, proved her own strength. Or at least, that was what the representative of Elgar'nan had said. Elgar'nan himself of course, said nothing, far too above events like this even if he was present at them to snatch her away. Pretty words that were given out about taking someone so raw and putting them in their proper place. The politics of it the same as always: that dangerous things were best kept where they could be kept an eye on, best used as a tool. She would be a wonderful display of an uncontrollable temper. One day, it was even promised to her, she might be his champion for her fierceness if she devoted herself to the task.

It was the sort of half consolation given to anyone, before they were shoved down, hands either side of her shoulders, and the Vassallin was etched onto her face, around her cheekbones, her jaw, and to the affectionate pet, she didn't make a sound when they started on the sensitive skin of her eye sockets. Lines that marked her out, she belonged to Elgar'nan now.

It was merciful at least that things were routine. Simple. She couldn't open her eyes very far as the tattoos healed. The swelling and the itching she had to physically stop herself from attacking madly. They were going to visit Mythal, she'd been told - not like it mattered where she went, right now. Just did her best to stay in line and not fall over. Not move too much when they crowed over having someone as vicious as she was. Her hands curling up tightly as she stayed put, thankful when the examination was over and she was allowed to rejoin other servants. Finding a spot against the wall as she close her eyes. Given up for the time being keeping them open. A few hours respite where she wasn't expected to do much to try and process... any of it, really.

After all, the last thing that had felt real was the blood on her hands, and she missed - Kashi, her mother, her father and her brother, terribly.