It's in seconds, and then it's over. Moving before she had thought it through, before she asked her hands what they were doing, before her ears heard Kashi pleading with her to stop. A momentum that was a spell all to itself, coming loose and firing. A fire that wove itself around her fingers. A closed fist that hits, and hits and hits again. Consuming. Destructive. It's over before she wondered if she could be sorry for any of it.
It is not until later that she follows along with what she'd done when she's brought forward to a court's full view. She, Lakshmi, had been walking through the market. Arm in arm with someone so dear to her, - she remembers that bit well enough. Kashi, laughing. Teasing. Kashi was always so beautiful, it had to get her in trouble one day. That, being the Lord's hand that as they stopped in their duties for the day, to roam across like he had a right. Like he deserved to touch something that beautiful.
At which point, the voices of her trial said, Lakshmi had a knife in her hand. That Lakshmi had kicked him, down and hard. That he had struck back but - she was not a great beauty, she was lean, sharp and quick. Better for the work she had been forced to for year after year, as her parents before. That she struck him down to his knees and caught the offending hand. That she could remember. The intimacy of lacing her fingers with his to wrenched it back, that she sliced is hand from his arm in a heavy blow that left him with a severed stump.
He had screamed and screamed and screamed. Kashi was screaming at her, stop, stop, stop. The knife dropped out of hand. Another hand that gripped hers, cooled her until someone else turned up to take her away.
Didn't remember him much, either. Just that he had sure hands and a sure gaze that told that stopped her from going further. Felt him clean the blood from her brow where it had splattered against her cheek, streaked her hair. Resetting her back to something like calm, away from what she'd just done until someone decidedly more important turned up.
After that, the trial was easy. Straight forward. No execution. No one needed a martyr. Instead, she had proved herself grown, proved herself ready, proved her own strength. Or at least, that was what the representative of Elgar'nan had said. Elgar'nan himself of course, said nothing, far too above events like this even if he was present at them to snatch her away. Pretty words that were given out about taking someone so raw and putting them in their proper place. The politics of it the same as always: that dangerous things were best kept where they could be kept an eye on, best used as a tool. She would be a wonderful display of an uncontrollable temper. One day, it was even promised to her, she might be his champion for her fierceness if she devoted herself to the task.
It was the sort of half consolation given to anyone, before they were shoved down, hands either side of her shoulders, and the Vassallin was etched onto her face, around her cheekbones, her jaw, and to the affectionate pet, she didn't make a sound when they started on the sensitive skin of her eye sockets. Lines that marked her out, she belonged to Elgar'nan now.
It was merciful at least that things were routine. Simple. She couldn't open her eyes very far as the tattoos healed. The swelling and the itching she had to physically stop herself from attacking madly. They were going to visit Mythal, she'd been told - not like it mattered where she went, right now. Just did her best to stay in line and not fall over. Not move too much when they crowed over having someone as vicious as she was. Her hands curling up tightly as she stayed put, thankful when the examination was over and she was allowed to rejoin other servants. Finding a spot against the wall as she close her eyes. Given up for the time being keeping them open. A few hours respite where she wasn't expected to do much to try and process... any of it, really.
After all, the last thing that had felt real was the blood on her hands, and she missed - Kashi, her mother, her father and her brother, terribly.
It was a scene he had seen time and time again. One he often played a part in. The noble that had 'suffered' at the hands of another was fortunate they had not been cut down as repayment for what they forced on others. Too many abused their positions. The small bits of power they were given, while chained like the rest of them, caused a madness to overtake them. The trial would have gone far worse for the woman if the man had died, but Solas would have seen it as an act of justice.
He took no joy in appearing when her fate was decided for her. The day rang clearly in his mind as he watched her stand proudly. So that fierceness she displayed had not been a breaking point reached. He stands at Mythal's side and barely holds back a snarl when Elgar'nan's own speaks up. This could be the last he sees of her. She would not be the first bright flame the Evanuris has snuffed out long before its time. He steals one last, curious look at her as she is taken away and steels himself for what is to come next. Her fate was merely one of many to be decided today.
Elgar'nan's visits were far too frequent for Solas' liking, but that concern was one easily ignored by Mythal. It was a disruption they would bear for however long the pair saw it necessary and he stood near to dispel any tensions that arose between the Elgar'nan's company and their hosts.
It's the light catching in her hair that he sees first. The second, is the vallaslin she now bore. She had survived so far then and the Evanuris had seen fit to force her to accompany him here. He lets out a small sigh of annoyance and steps towards her. The unique pain that came with the branding of Elgar'nan's slaves was one he was unfortunately familiar with. No doubt the Evanuris had seen fit for her to manage it herself without the aid of someone who could see.
"I can ease the pain if it is unbearable," he offers once he is near, speaking plainly.
The voice makes her flinch, turning into the wall she rested her head on. A voice that was too close, and gingerly, her eyes only half opened, a thin gaze that was turned down. More because that was all she could manage, rather than what she would do by herself. It let her see - feet. Helpful, and her mouth pulls a little for it. Someone standing in front of her, not able to know anything else apart from the warm voice that offered a kindness she did not expect.
She had been left alone aside from the jostling of the others, the hazing that inevitably went into a new recruit to the ranks. Shoving, almost tripping her, putting things just out of her limited sight. Ordering her to do things that were harder for her present state. One or two had been kinder. Mercy was that her weapons had been taken from her that she didn't respond in the way that apparently came easier.
But as her sharp reaction settled, she let out her breath, turning back that little. Desperate, looking for something to understand it all. The only respite she had found was pressing her face into the cool walls to take the heat off. Hard as it was not to grind herself into it. Itch away the markings. Turn her face into a bloodied mess. Turn those beautiful, fine markings, into stains between scratches.
Instead, she swallows, driving that need, her fingers curling in tightly against her side. No, Lakshmi. "Shouldn't I endure it? To show my devotion?"
It's flat, hardly meant. That she is unhappy, couldn't be more obvious.
Ah, yes. Stubborn and bitter, and with all the right reasons to be. Those that ruled in such a way squandered what they had with their ruthlessness. What good did it have to force one to go through this? It was pointless cruelty that would only prolong her current state without the proper attention being given to her recovery. He lets out a small sigh.
"One would argue you are of no use to anyone in your current state," he counters and offers her his hand. "There is no reason to suffer needlessly."
No matter what Elgar'nan and his most devoted might believe.
She considers it - help, here? A week ago, she was no one, just another servant, a servant to servants, no less. Yet here she was, in the home of Mythal, speaking to one of her personal attendants.
It isn't, simply, put, what she expects. But she is too naive to even wonder if she shouldn't trust him. Gingerly, her hand lifts, the shake of unsureness, he was a dull shape against her half-closed eyes, but she looks for his hand. The help that he offered.
That once she finds, she puts her hand to the back of his. Light only held by the tips of her fingers. Directing it upward. Looking for the coolness there, too, up and up until she can direct him to her face. Both her hands now, like a prayer, open palms against the back of his knuckles so she could cup his hand to her cheek. Her mouth opening in a soft breath against his skin, lips soft. She missed her Kashi so, so terribly. "Please. Before I scratch my face to scars."
He's patient as he waits for her to feel him out. Her hands on his, he follows her guidance and lets magic build in his fingertips. With his hand near her cheek, the magic flows from him to her. The cooling sensation spreads as he attempts to alleviate what he can. A full healing would leave her with far too many questions to answer when she returned to Elgar'nan, but he could numb and ease the pain.
"If you would like it attended to further, I can bring you to our healers for medicine," he offers absently. "They have a poultice that will help with the itching."
And if they were clever about it, they could hide it about her person to use later once she returned to her master's domain.
She gasps softly as he does, pulling thinly in, her chest aching as the relief washes over her in sudden absence. Resigned as she had been, she could weep for the first kind word since her world had fallen apart. It takes the heat out of it, and eyes sting with it, wet against lashes that she shuts completely.
Rather, her hand turns into his hold in a shameless press of appreciation. Her thick, dark hair falling over to hide both her face and his contact away as it slips over her shoulders. Worried to lose this scrap of kindness, the only respite she'd been offered, by anyone. "I should not." It's mournful. "But I would be glad to know your name."
If he minded it, he does not show it, instead allowing her to press into his hand as she wants. Has she had time to mourn what she has lost? She has yet to even heal from the physical wounds of it. The rest, would take even longer.
His magic continues in a slow flow. Light, but enough. The last she needs is for this to overwhelm her, to overtake what little of her senses she has left to her.
"Solas," he supplies readily. "I would be glad to know yours as well, if you wished to share it."
"Ma-" No, they had taken that too. Stolen it away because as a servant of Elgar'nan she could never be as plain as childhood nicknames. "Lakshmi."
The itch faded, at long last, little but surely. Enough that she could blink, open her eyes a bit further without it aggravating it further. Blinking quickly, straining against the light that she could finally open her eyes to look up at him. Gold and bright against her brown skin. "I am Lakshmi."
It softens, then a little - "You were there. At the trial. I saw you."
"Lakshmi," he repeats. Hopefully he's not the first to use her name since this fate has befallen her, but he knows the power inherent in hearing something so simple. She had not lost all her agency, no matter what they might tell her.
He meets her gaze and lets his magic linger until she wishes for him to stop.
"I was there when you were brought in, as well. I am sorry I could not do more." For what little that meant now.
"There was nothing you could do." It's laughed, her face falling out of his hands. Out of his so easily given kindness. "I did this by my own hands. I ought to face the consequences for that."
Her eyes lower again, but this time it is to hide the knit in her brow as something shapes. "But I do not regret it. So perhaps, it is a punishment I deserve." Branded, taken away from everything she knew, taken away from the world which cared about her - to those that would kill each other over the smallest slight.
"There are many who would thank you for your actions if they were allowed," he remarks off handedly. "You bear the consequences, but that is not all that has come of this."
It was an impact far from either of them now. One she would do well to not forget as she went through this. His hand falls away from her and he rests his hands behind his back as he watches her.
"For all it has cost me, I do not think I should agree with you." The pain sits, so close against her skin. Fills her voice the pain relieved for the time being, the itch abated. It would return, no doubt.
"But..." She swallows, her jaw setting when she looks back up - her gaze hard, flat. The same refusal to diminish herself. Still not beautiful, but still lean, quick and hard. "He shouldn't have touched her. He shouldn't have. I always told her I never would let anyone hurt her. She is the only one I want to hear from." It breaks, pain that bubbles up and up and up. "But they say I cannot see her. For what I did."
"No, he shouldn't have," he repeats without hesitation. But it is what happened, and Lakshmi did what she believed she needed to. There's no judgment as he regards her. That had already been passed and she would live with it the rest of her years.
"I do not have many dealings where you once resided, but if I happen upon her..." He shrugs and lets his words trail off, implication clear. If he managed to hear from Kashi and could see Lakshmi again, he would share what he learned. It was the most he could offer. He lets his words linger in the air around them for a moment longer before he gestures in offering, "I was about to eat, if you would like to join me."
"I would... like that." Tentative, unsure, her fellow servants of Elgar'nan were hard men and women. They offered no kindnesses, offered no respite to someone new. Especially not to someone who cared enough to cut a man down in her temper. Always too much Lakshmi, you need to learn to curb it some or it will get you in trouble.
Too late.
She rises when calls her to follow. Readjusting the uniform to set about her properly, tugging the long tunic into place with stiff hands. Dropping her gaze once more, though this was on behalf of the fact she hadn't meant to have any respite. Best to still look like she was still in pain, still recovering. Not half wrong. The painful heat on her face had abated, but it still did not make it easy to open her eyes fully for any length of time. The pain would return in some time. "I would like that." Her hand reaches out, fingers light, looking for his to guide her.
He accepts her hand and offers his arm should she want to be escorted more formally. There were enough inner twists and turns of Mythal's temple to confuse those that invaded that it would be far easier than trying to verbally guide her. Whether Elgar'nan would be annoyed that Solas was taking such liberties was beyond his concerns. None of his other servants would dear stop Solas with his position and would assume he had business with her. He had been present at her trial.
"There are a few steps here," he warns as he leads them up into the halls. As he continues speaking, there's a touch of concern in his next question, "Have you been able to eat today?"
Whether she's been allowed or her injuries have kept her from doing so. Thankfully those would heal with time.
No doubt, Elgar'nan would. She was a prize chattel, for the moment. Time would tell if it continued to be so, if he kept her at close range after it was done. Luck was so far, he only had eyes for Mythal. No need to look elsewhere. But he regarded her more like a new piece of furniture. Spoke of he was going to train her, make her strong. No doubt make his own name greater off of her. He wouldn't want anyone meddling in his particular plans for her.
That thought alone made it easy for her to take his arm in return. Looping through tentatively but holding fast. Her fingers curling up around into the material of his sleeve to keep hold.
"Only a simple amount." Hard to want to eat, at the moment. Slowed a little, as she navigates the stairs one by one. But the simplest answer: "I would definitely like to eat."
With her arm in his, he walks tall with her at his side. Those in Mythal's service would recognize this for what it was, extending a hand to someone who needed it. Each Evanuris governed their own to their whims and those follies came with harsh prices at times. This was the least that could be offered to Lakshmi.
"There will be enough for you to have your fill," he remarks evenly. "Do you know how long your master intends to stay?" And how long she will be here, in turn.
As they walk, he gives warning when they approach anything that may cause her to trip. He nods in greeting at those they pass and no one moves to stop them.
That - the flush works up her face. The others, they'd whispered why Elgar'nan had come here. She flusters, embarrassed, fumbling for what she had been told in rather more crasser terms. The teasing they'd given her when she hadn't understood the first time. Tugging at the end of her hair and whispering awful things to help her catch up with why they were visiting today.
"I do not... until they have had enough of each other's company."
Which is blurted out, as pleasant as she can. Clearing her throat as they walk, taking her steps slowly, and carefully. That was at least easier to do.
He barely manages to muffle his laugh. It had been a long time since he had seen someone become flustered from what Mythal and Elgar'nan chose to do in their time together. A small amusement to detract from his annoyance that it happened at all. They all would do better if Elgar'nan kept far from here, but that was far from an option and Lakshmi would not be here where she could get some treatment.
"That is one way to put it. You would be thankful to know you cannot hear anything, should you find yourself passing by their room." Though with how flushed she appears, he has a feeling she will stay far, far away.
"I am glad that they.... Enjoy each other as company."
It was one thing, when she was no body. To hear about how those far beyond her got up too. Kashi had loved whispering about it and the other servants had embellished gleefully. But it was another to be standing in the room, appreciated furniture that was second to how she could see them look at each other.
"It isn't my business of course." which is as firm as she can manage, but mildly pleading. She'll set alight if she squirmed any more in embarrassment.
"No, but it will be difficult to avoid mention of it in Elgar'nan's service." More so than in any other. He shakes his head slightly and continues walking. "We will not be going near."
In case she needed the assurance. That was a torment she could deal with on another day. The smell of food grew stronger as they turned a corner and Solas greeted another in passing as he led her into the dining hall. The sounds of slaves laughing and eating, boisterous as always during their free time, was loud enough to make him lean in closer to speak.
"I will find us somewhere to seat and retrieve our food."
His voice is warm against her ear, which is a strange thing to note, not the sort of thing she ever did. But purpose it was some strange need from being denied her sight.
"Thank you." She leans in that little, closer to him. More in helpfulness than anything else. She might not be able to see very well, but she could hear how many people were moving about her. Easy enough to know that she could trip over someone like this. So she tucks herself in near and close.
With her close to his side, he finds open space at a table near where the food is being served and guides her hand to the edge of it to steady herself. One hand slides carefully to her upper back, touch light, in order to aid her should she find herself faltering. It isn't until she is seated that he withdraws from her.
"Is there anything I should avoid getting?" Since that would be far easier than knowing her preferences, depending on what is being served.
She reaches out where he has led her, using her hands to navigate the rest of the way. To find the seat, be sure of it before she lets herself sit down. Letting his hands guide her, trusting in him just as she is: blind. That he could hurt her, like this, like so many of Elgar'nan's slaves had just let her trip and not even given her the time of day, didn't seem to factor in. His hands were sure, and she let herself settle a comfortable weight into them.
And with relief, once she is seated, her eyes fall shut completely. The itch and pain was numbed, it was still an effort to keep them open.
"Without meat, please. Simple is... fine."
Her hands fall into her lap, her feet flat on the floor, taking up as little space as she could, hiding within what she could. Clothing that she shifted, her long dark hair falling down around her face.
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He took no joy in appearing when her fate was decided for her. The day rang clearly in his mind as he watched her stand proudly. So that fierceness she displayed had not been a breaking point reached. He stands at Mythal's side and barely holds back a snarl when Elgar'nan's own speaks up. This could be the last he sees of her. She would not be the first bright flame the Evanuris has snuffed out long before its time. He steals one last, curious look at her as she is taken away and steels himself for what is to come next. Her fate was merely one of many to be decided today.
Elgar'nan's visits were far too frequent for Solas' liking, but that concern was one easily ignored by Mythal. It was a disruption they would bear for however long the pair saw it necessary and he stood near to dispel any tensions that arose between the Elgar'nan's company and their hosts.
It's the light catching in her hair that he sees first. The second, is the vallaslin she now bore. She had survived so far then and the Evanuris had seen fit to force her to accompany him here. He lets out a small sigh of annoyance and steps towards her. The unique pain that came with the branding of Elgar'nan's slaves was one he was unfortunately familiar with. No doubt the Evanuris had seen fit for her to manage it herself without the aid of someone who could see.
"I can ease the pain if it is unbearable," he offers once he is near, speaking plainly.
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She had been left alone aside from the jostling of the others, the hazing that inevitably went into a new recruit to the ranks. Shoving, almost tripping her, putting things just out of her limited sight. Ordering her to do things that were harder for her present state. One or two had been kinder. Mercy was that her weapons had been taken from her that she didn't respond in the way that apparently came easier.
But as her sharp reaction settled, she let out her breath, turning back that little. Desperate, looking for something to understand it all. The only respite she had found was pressing her face into the cool walls to take the heat off. Hard as it was not to grind herself into it. Itch away the markings. Turn her face into a bloodied mess. Turn those beautiful, fine markings, into stains between scratches.
Instead, she swallows, driving that need, her fingers curling in tightly against her side. No, Lakshmi. "Shouldn't I endure it? To show my devotion?"
It's flat, hardly meant. That she is unhappy, couldn't be more obvious.
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"One would argue you are of no use to anyone in your current state," he counters and offers her his hand. "There is no reason to suffer needlessly."
No matter what Elgar'nan and his most devoted might believe.
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It isn't, simply, put, what she expects. But she is too naive to even wonder if she shouldn't trust him. Gingerly, her hand lifts, the shake of unsureness, he was a dull shape against her half-closed eyes, but she looks for his hand. The help that he offered.
That once she finds, she puts her hand to the back of his. Light only held by the tips of her fingers. Directing it upward. Looking for the coolness there, too, up and up until she can direct him to her face. Both her hands now, like a prayer, open palms against the back of his knuckles so she could cup his hand to her cheek. Her mouth opening in a soft breath against his skin, lips soft. She missed her Kashi so, so terribly. "Please. Before I scratch my face to scars."
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"If you would like it attended to further, I can bring you to our healers for medicine," he offers absently. "They have a poultice that will help with the itching."
And if they were clever about it, they could hide it about her person to use later once she returned to her master's domain.
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Rather, her hand turns into his hold in a shameless press of appreciation. Her thick, dark hair falling over to hide both her face and his contact away as it slips over her shoulders. Worried to lose this scrap of kindness, the only respite she'd been offered, by anyone. "I should not." It's mournful. "But I would be glad to know your name."
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His magic continues in a slow flow. Light, but enough. The last she needs is for this to overwhelm her, to overtake what little of her senses she has left to her.
"Solas," he supplies readily. "I would be glad to know yours as well, if you wished to share it."
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The itch faded, at long last, little but surely. Enough that she could blink, open her eyes a bit further without it aggravating it further. Blinking quickly, straining against the light that she could finally open her eyes to look up at him. Gold and bright against her brown skin. "I am Lakshmi."
It softens, then a little - "You were there. At the trial. I saw you."
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He meets her gaze and lets his magic linger until she wishes for him to stop.
"I was there when you were brought in, as well. I am sorry I could not do more." For what little that meant now.
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Her eyes lower again, but this time it is to hide the knit in her brow as something shapes. "But I do not regret it. So perhaps, it is a punishment I deserve." Branded, taken away from everything she knew, taken away from the world which cared about her - to those that would kill each other over the smallest slight.
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It was an impact far from either of them now. One she would do well to not forget as she went through this. His hand falls away from her and he rests his hands behind his back as he watches her.
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"But..." She swallows, her jaw setting when she looks back up - her gaze hard, flat. The same refusal to diminish herself. Still not beautiful, but still lean, quick and hard. "He shouldn't have touched her. He shouldn't have. I always told her I never would let anyone hurt her. She is the only one I want to hear from." It breaks, pain that bubbles up and up and up. "But they say I cannot see her. For what I did."
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"I do not have many dealings where you once resided, but if I happen upon her..." He shrugs and lets his words trail off, implication clear. If he managed to hear from Kashi and could see Lakshmi again, he would share what he learned. It was the most he could offer. He lets his words linger in the air around them for a moment longer before he gestures in offering, "I was about to eat, if you would like to join me."
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Too late.
She rises when calls her to follow. Readjusting the uniform to set about her properly, tugging the long tunic into place with stiff hands. Dropping her gaze once more, though this was on behalf of the fact she hadn't meant to have any respite. Best to still look like she was still in pain, still recovering. Not half wrong. The painful heat on her face had abated, but it still did not make it easy to open her eyes fully for any length of time. The pain would return in some time. "I would like that." Her hand reaches out, fingers light, looking for his to guide her.
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"There are a few steps here," he warns as he leads them up into the halls. As he continues speaking, there's a touch of concern in his next question, "Have you been able to eat today?"
Whether she's been allowed or her injuries have kept her from doing so. Thankfully those would heal with time.
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That thought alone made it easy for her to take his arm in return. Looping through tentatively but holding fast. Her fingers curling up around into the material of his sleeve to keep hold.
"Only a simple amount." Hard to want to eat, at the moment. Slowed a little, as she navigates the stairs one by one. But the simplest answer: "I would definitely like to eat."
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"There will be enough for you to have your fill," he remarks evenly. "Do you know how long your master intends to stay?" And how long she will be here, in turn.
As they walk, he gives warning when they approach anything that may cause her to trip. He nods in greeting at those they pass and no one moves to stop them.
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"I do not... until they have had enough of each other's company."
Which is blurted out, as pleasant as she can. Clearing her throat as they walk, taking her steps slowly, and carefully. That was at least easier to do.
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He barely manages to muffle his laugh. It had been a long time since he had seen someone become flustered from what Mythal and Elgar'nan chose to do in their time together. A small amusement to detract from his annoyance that it happened at all. They all would do better if Elgar'nan kept far from here, but that was far from an option and Lakshmi would not be here where she could get some treatment.
"That is one way to put it. You would be thankful to know you cannot hear anything, should you find yourself passing by their room." Though with how flushed she appears, he has a feeling she will stay far, far away.
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It was one thing, when she was no body. To hear about how those far beyond her got up too. Kashi had loved whispering about it and the other servants had embellished gleefully. But it was another to be standing in the room, appreciated furniture that was second to how she could see them look at each other.
"It isn't my business of course." which is as firm as she can manage, but mildly pleading. She'll set alight if she squirmed any more in embarrassment.
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In case she needed the assurance. That was a torment she could deal with on another day. The smell of food grew stronger as they turned a corner and Solas greeted another in passing as he led her into the dining hall. The sounds of slaves laughing and eating, boisterous as always during their free time, was loud enough to make him lean in closer to speak.
"I will find us somewhere to seat and retrieve our food."
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"Thank you." She leans in that little, closer to him. More in helpfulness than anything else. She might not be able to see very well, but she could hear how many people were moving about her. Easy enough to know that she could trip over someone like this. So she tucks herself in near and close.
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"Is there anything I should avoid getting?" Since that would be far easier than knowing her preferences, depending on what is being served.
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And with relief, once she is seated, her eyes fall shut completely. The itch and pain was numbed, it was still an effort to keep them open.
"Without meat, please. Simple is... fine."
Her hands fall into her lap, her feet flat on the floor, taking up as little space as she could, hiding within what she could. Clothing that she shifted, her long dark hair falling down around her face.
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