mahalakshmi | AU - MAGNI & LAKSHMI

Her heart feels heavy, thudding with the weight of cooled lead.

Long moments pass as she struggles with her words, gauging how she can articulate what is filling her mind. There is so much, and it is all so hard to manage. In matters of business and the estate she can be calm and steady. Matters of the heart had felt natural as well, until what had come to pass with Demetria and Andry. Magni swallows past the uncomfortable lump in her throat.

“I don’t want you to be her.” Softly, that. Barely audible over the rain. “I loved her very much, but I don’t wish you to be like the one who... cast me aside and felt... lying, deceit and betrayal were the best ways to happiness.” An exhale, and she almost laughs st herself, a quiet huff of frustration. “That you think that... I am not good at speaking. I— lack that grace.”

There has clearly been a horrible, horrible misunderstanding.

She feels like she's been dunked in a lake, something that wraps around her. Or maybe unfrozen that finally, she looks up at her. Staring at her in something surprised, parted on a word she doesn't know what to do with. Lips open, gaze flicking between Magni's eyes trying to make sense of it all.

"But you... you don't say anything to me at all." She frowns, looking down, back up. "You barely even look at me. And they say - "

Trying, desperately, to make sense of it all. Because they talked, endlessly, endlessly talked. " - that she was pretty like a bundle of flowers, and she would embroider all your cuffs and given you tokens. That you would call to her first every time you returned and that she would always answer but - " babbling, she's babbling and it's probably humiliating to both of them, but she can't seem to stop because she's heard story after story after story of it.

Those are a lot of words, and there is no sign of the words stopping. In such circumstances, the most proper response is perhaps to listen to all of it, or to stop it with a well thought out and careful response.

Magni does neither of these things.

When Rani looks back up to her next, she kisses her. Carefully, fingers lightly resting against her cheek, a slow, lingering thing as she leans down and then waits. Waits to see if Rani slaps her (reasonable) or pushes her away (reasonable) or any other response which she suspects would also be reasonable.

She does neither, stiffening in sheer surprise.

Which is replaced by the sudden gasp, soft against her mouth. Because it's the sudden realisation that - oh, I am getting my first kiss, that curls her fingers up tightly. She was getting her first kiss and she was staring in surprise, no doubt, looking like a complete idiot.

( This wasn't how this was meant to go in her fond daydreams, where Magni used all her height and strength to dip her back, on the high castle walls, she would brush her hair out of her face, murmur her name and - but it was better than any daydream, because she could count the water droplets clinging to Magni's lashes, could see where the damp made her fine hair stick to her face. )

Gently, she pushes back on her toes, letting her eyes close slowly - the way it should be done - and with more courage then she remembered having to use, she leans up to kiss her back. Letting her head tilt to the side, slant her lips over her wife's and where she gasped before, now she sighs softly.

Thank God.

Some part of her had been genuinely afraid of some rejection, that her own stiltedness might have made it unwelcome. Her hesitations to initiate anything had been so wound up in memories and dread and being afraid to start over and trying to allow her heart and its injuries to recover.

The gasp and the sigh draw a smile out of her, and her hands rest lightly at Rani's neck, tentative and careful, though her lips part in invitation. Offering, letting Rani take the lead in that and have some control over this. A soft sound, pleased, and her thumbs run along Rani's jaw. For now that they are both soaked and shivering is forgotten, and she wants to press closer, to pull Rani closer, but what if she oversteps?

"I see you."

It's an invitation she takes curiously, hesitantly. Feeling out the shape of her mouth against Lakshmi's own, pressing up to her. If she is cold, it serves only the purpose of feeling the scorching heat of Magni's breath against her lips, drinking it in like devotion.

When she pulls away, she is smiling, so wide she must look silly. Beaming up at her like she has found her happiness here and now. Maybe this has not all been in vain, maybe she is right to hope that she might mean something to Magni. Blossoming up under her skin like the lotus' that blood in the Goddess hand.

-

A moment that is utterly ruined when she face scrunches up, and she sneezes. Again, and again, and again. At least managing to turn her face away.

No, not heartbreak, just sick. Actually just sick.

Despite herself, Magni smiles a little bit at the sneeze, exhaling a little laugh because, all things considered, it's both funny and endearing. She fishes into her pocket to draw out a handkerchief to offer Rani, but— she looks at it, slightly mortified that it, too, is soaked.

Enough of that, though: Magni draws Rani closer to the currently dormant fireplace, and moves to one of the cupboards. Blankets, some spare clothes that are intended for workers who are usually male and taller than Rani, a wooly jumper with a few holes in it amongst them.

"We need to get you warm," she says softly, holding the clothes out to Rani, and tenderly kissing her forehead, before she tilts her head towards the fireplace in an explanation of what she's going to be working on. Put these on, I'll see to the fire. They can dry their own clothes, and then when the storm had abated they could travel back.

"Thank you," is the miserable little sniffle. Regardless of whether it's soaked or not, it's better than having to wipe at her own face with her hand. Covering herself when she predictably, goes to sneeze again.

It hits her then, really, shivering with the cold and damp. Because whilst Magni gets her dry things to ware, and - she tries with the limited privacy available, to begin peeling out of her own clothes. Turning her back on her, beginning to undo the laces at the front of her dress with shivering, shaking fingers, but she gets it done. Dropping the heavy wool dress the Magni's mother had given her. It felt like dropping a huge weight, a relief that, even with her shift below it, she is glad to be rid of for the time being.

Not that it leaves with her much otherwise. The shift half falling off one shoulder with nothing to hold it in place as she steps out of the pile of clothes, and pushes it away with her foot. Sitting down to start undoing the sturdy walking shoes she'd been given by Krogstad. Until she's not left in much of anything.

By the time she's done, there can't be much mistaking it, she's ill, felt clammy, her head throbbing. It had to happen eventually with all this cold that she just wasn't used to. A sound repayment for taking off despite Magni's good warnings. Jittering and her fingers slow in how she reaches for her the jumper to pull over her head.

Carefully, respectfully, she keeps her back turned. Granted she is making the fire, so perhaps there is a degree of necessity in there as well, but her gaze stays carefully trained forward. At least this is something she is experienced enough in, and soon there is a fire crackling to life, smoke rising in wisps up the chimney.

Her own clothes are soaked, but she doesn't see to that quickly. First hangs up some of Rani's wet things on some lines so they might dry, and then goes to retrieve more dry things and blankets, banishing herself to a corner to get changed. The clothes fit her better, though some of the supplies are not designed for someone of her height, and so look slightly tragic. Claiming a place next to Rani, she brings more blankets, and wraps them around her wife's shoulders, her arm tentatively coming to rest there as well, hugging Rani to her side.

"Rest. We'll dry out and get warm, and if the rain has stopped, we'll travel back in the morning Sleeping might help your cold."

Too big for Lakshmi, too little for Magni, what a pair they made, as she's wrapped around. Which -

- The bed isn't fit for much, the floor is bare stone and the wind is howling with the worst of the storm outside. Beating down in sheets of water. It's a miserable night, and one, that otherwise she would feel loathe to withstand. Especially - here, where nothing is right, everything is woefully so different that she could not even trust her own judgement over the sky.

But... as she takes long, slow breathes... it isn't. Her body relaxes. Maybe, it is that she is ill, or perhaps the simplicity of being held while being so. Leaning by little amounts into Magni's side. "I do not think I will be able to do much else. My head seems to think it will either ache or sleep, no matter what I do."

"I'll be here." Whatever she needs to do, Magni will be here. Maybe what she means is less immediately, as well: I am with you, I will be by your side.

Hesitantly, she leans down to kiss Rani's temple. She can feel her relaxing little by little, and it makes her ease as well, as she takes Rani's hands between her own to warm them. Sleep is teetering closer to her, as well, as she stifles a yarn.

"Next time I kiss you maybe we can skip this coldness first?"

It's a joke that mercifully escapes being too awkward - at least, on her end.

She looks up at her with a dazed smile, sick, definitely sick. But happy.

No, more effused than happy. Her hand smoothing over Magni's shoulder, her neck, tickling her fingers in a light curl under her jaw. Sweet, even if she sniffles in the middle of it. Unsure yet - touching. Trying. Finding out for herself what it was to be near to her and with it...

Content.

"Next time, I promise." Her legs shift close, her toes, unnoticed to her, burrow under Magni's leg, leeching her heat needily.

Magni doesn't quite manage to muster her voice or more words. She feels like she has spoken a lot, though logically she is aware that she really hasn't. A slight itch in her throat, but she clears it and disregards it. Nothing to worry about, just tiredness. Definitely not her getting sick, too.

The toes might be unnoticed by Rani, but Magni notices them, huffs quiet laughter to herself, and hugs her closer. The glow of the fire is finally starting to grant the room some warmth, and it feels all the more comforting with the whistling gale outside.

Gradually, she slouches back against the pillows, brings Rani with her, and even in that sleepiness, protectively hugs her close. The rain stops, eventually, but she's still got her arms wrapped around her dear heart.

AU - MAGNI & LAKSHMI

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