mahalakshmi | AU - MAGNI & LAKSHMI

The lip biting. The nervousness that she hadn't seen in her wife when it was the two of them alone for quite some time. It makes her heart hurt, the uncertainty, and she takes only a moment to quietly close the door behind her, and cross to the bed - takes Lakshmi's hand, and kneels in front of her rather than sitting beside her, so she can more easily look at her. At least for the moment this will do.

Very carefully, slowly, she kisses each of the knuckles on her Rani's hands, first left and then right, and then turns her gaze up towards her. If she holds her hands maybe it will save Lakshmi from her own fidgeting, her own nerves, at least on some level.

She adores this space, enjoys the little insights and treasures that it holds for Lakshmi, even if so much of it is still strange and unusual to her. She made no demands to know about it, just appreciated this separate, wonderful sanctuary Lakshmi kept for herself, hoped that someday more of this sanctuary could be found through Talonhold, so that she knew all places here were her home.

"You look frightened," she says, finally, cautiously.

What a question there is in such a simple statement. In this, between them, and on what a huge occasion this was. An heir, an heir for Talonhold. To bind her to this place permanently.

But the one thing, the one thing that makes her so tense, so unsure in her precarious position of what should otherwise be such a wonderful position. Looking down at her, it bubbles up. Letting her hands being held so securely, how much that is.

How she worries it might be snatched away as others had once tried to snatch away their happiness, with rumours. Pressing, praying on her mind like a ravenous beast. "It is yours. I promise, it is yours. No other hand has touched me, no other has known me intimately, it is only you who knows the secrets parts of my body - I would cut it from them if they tried."

"Rani," she replies, just barely cutting off her words, as her thumb rub back and forth over her wife's hands, soothing. "I know. I held no doubts— you are my heart. I trust you, and I know you." Magni smiles a little bit, a sort of excited brightness sneaking into it, though she tries to rein it in.

"I— I meant only—" A sigh. How to string this thought into spoken words? "I think we did not know, and the suddenness frightened you. Not you thinking that some affair was revealed."

If there was any person that she trusted, it was Lakshmi. Her queen, her lioness, her mischievous one - all these things, but above all, the protector of her heart, its keeper. She trusts her implicitly, and she could hardly say when it was began, or if it had been from the first moment of their meeting.

She can't help but smile. That is what one did, after all, when they knew they had love and it was returned so truly. A simplicity in that knowledge that fills her up. Like watching the great lake of Talonhold fill back up after a long, dry winter, and those cold mountain streams rush to pour into it when summer comes.

Lakshmi takes the hands that hold hers. Guides them. Places them onto her stomach where that bump was just beginning to form. "I had no idea. I was not keeping it from you, either. For someone just visiting to know it before I did."

But they were young, and they were fools so often, were they not? She had no reason to think a babe had crept into her belly.

It isn't rare for Magni to feel that she takes up a great deal of space. Sometimes it is a matter of concern, solely from the point of view of not wanting to impose or alarm. At other times it was a useful thing, to hold authority and to stand with such stature, to be known as strong. The mountain of the mountain, some said. With Rani she finds there are times she feels worried that she might hurt her, and then others when she is glad to be able to wrap around her so easily with a massive embrace.

Now she holds her hands against her stomach as though Rani were made of eggshells, a nervousness she's not had in touching her for some time.

"It's so rare," she says very softly, before looking back to Rani. "Are you— happy?"

She watches her, and the admission is filled with a laughter that, in turn, she hadn't felt a need to babble at Magni for some time. They had grown so comfortable with one another.

What was the word even for this? The notion of life that she is making, that they made. "I am happy and scared, I still feel sick. I am relieved. I wish had noticed and could have told you, not a stranger." There isn't one word, she realises. For any of it. But the plainest one: "I am terrified, Magni."

Her smile is very fond as she moves to sit at Rani's side, belatedly realises she still is wearing her boots, pulls them off and tosses them closer to the door. At least with that done she can scoot further back on the bed so she is sitting behind Rani, with her between her legs, and very gently draws her back against her in an embrace.

"I am by your side." All of Talonhold will be, that she knows. There may be doubts and whispers, but those most precious to her, most trusted by her, will always go with the judgement of their Jarl.

A kiss to Lakshmi's cheek, Magni resting nuzzled against her jaw and her cheek, breathing her in.

"We will contact your parents. If you wish, they should come and stay. Your mother at least - she might have advice and counsel for you." Fjorleif would offer that certainly, and there were midwives and doctors and experts who would be consulted with, but of their traditions, of their families history with births, of the comfort that a parent can offer their child - for that her Rani's mother and father would be most important.

She could not hear more welcome words - as she curls into and leans back against Magni's chest. Her legs curling up underneath her and below her dress. "She will want to come, so will my father." All her near family.

Lakshmi had done her resolved best not to miss home, in the - what was it now, two years? Since she had come. But in this, she would so dearly want her mother's hand on her brow. To tell her what to do as she grew fat. They would be so strange to Magni's own life, she knew, but she knew with her by Magni's side, she could weather all that noise. Little brother would stare up at her so.

Oh, that was a dreadful thought. "Your family is so tall," she suddenly realises, bemoans. Hadn't even begun to think of that.

Magni hasn't quite caught up, and perhaps Lakshmi will feel, rather than see, the way her head tilts to the side, gently confused.

"Since you got here, at least," she comments, in a very serious tone which might not be instantly recognisable as humour to those who don't know her very well. Was this a new realisation? Has Lakshmi only now noticed?

It is very hard, and she deserves an accolade, for not elbowing Magni in the ribs right then. Unfortunately. It might give her some relief to the growing dread. Because she sorely recognises that tone. Maybe she'll bite her in a second instead and that will make her feel better about it.

"I'm not." She breathes, in brief explanation, "but the baby will be a giant like you." There's a little, self-pitying noise. "I am going to be carrying a little giant. I am going to look like that boar they brought in last hunt."

Fat, having to be rolled to be able to move anywhere.

Startled by the comparison, Magni can't quite help a laugh, and then she has to breathe a gentle apology as she kisses Lakshmi's neck, her cheek. "No, your tusks haven't grown in, yet."

She's on a roll of hilarity. Another kiss, to make up for it.

"You don't know that. The baby could be perfect sized, like you."

That does get a elbow in the side. Digging it in for a second before - well, the kiss certainly does mollify her some. Turns up into it, eyes half closed.

"Has anyone in your family not been as tall as a mountain?" Is the little huff. Compliment accepted, and stops her from digging in more but... the otherwise pressing concern continues.

Oof, a wheeze. Her lioness has sharp elbows.
Magni thinks for a moment. "My mother is shorter than me."

Which, actually, could be a reason why Magni was an only child. Even those who were not necessarily tall (and Magni was tall even for one of her father's line) were broad and muscular. She frowns a little bit, worry starting to gnaw at her as the implications, the impacts, start to register properly.

"Whatever needs to be done to keep you comfortable and safe will be done." Another kiss.

It's the comfort she needs. The things she must lean into - because otherwise, the concern would eat at her.

"It will be alright. I know you will be with me." It's breathed out, trying to ascertain it for herself. A shakey, nervous thing, but to that, in the knowledge that she would not be alone...

It was a great relief.

"Always." Very soft, murmured against her jaw.

And then, a quiet laugh. "I— did not imagine that I would be a parent. I thought... an adopted heir, or close family."

A shake of her head. This is... kind of amazing. Scary, yes, but amazing.

That... sobers her. More than that. This is... a precarious moment. "Tomorrow. We need to make the announcement. Give offerings, so your people know." She leans up, looking up to Magni's face where she's curled in her lap. Her hand coming to rest on Magni's shoulder.

"... Then your neighbours." She breathes in, "if they ask, I believe... when we were in the forest. I believe then was when we..." Her hand gestures, between them, that little smile, warm in cheeks. "... perhaps we should do something there, to quell any rumours about how such a thing had come to be." She breathes in slowly. "Then... we will need to instate the inheritance acts, seen over your elders to ensure that the heir is accepted and respected."

Magni doesn't pale, exactly, but looks every so slightly grey. This sounds like it involves a lot of talking. And yes, she is the Jarl, and yes she can be stern and stoic and make sound decisions and do what needs to be done, but this is a very new situation that she hasn't had quite the same amount of emotional preparation for.

She opens her mouth, closes it, and nods.

Big inhale. Slow exhale. "Yes."

Or maybe they could just go and live in the forest with their adorable child and not need to do this.

She doesn't quite hear it, caught up in beginning - already - to plan it. What has to be done, first, and wriggling - leaning over to the table at the end of the bed. Reaching for the paper and board she wrote on, and a quill that she taps the extra ink off the nib in the other hand.

Once gotten, she wriggles back into Magni's lap. This was not usually how these things were done, certainly, but she would insist this might be the best way to sort out all important matters in the Hold. Laying against Magni, tucking her head under her chin and leaning the board on her knees.

She begins writing names, methodical, ordered. Names that are familiar, prominent members of the Hold - "Tomorrow, we will send these invites tomorrow morning for dinner tomorrow evening." She draws a line underneath these, then another list. "Then we need to giving to the charities, and I would say... ale, given freely in the square. To let them drink - ? What do you think - ?" Her head tilts up her head, watching Magni's face. To see if she had misjudged or not.

Edited 2018-12-01 07:41 (UTC)

"Um."

Articulate and decisive, the Jarl. Always reliable. "Is that enough notice for the kitchen?"

It's probably a stupid question, but some part of her can only imagine Krogstad's face if she told him of the work of several days needing to be done in one. He'd smile, and he'd somehow make it happen, but he might give himself and several other members of the household staff heart attacks in the process.

And blinks, trying to get her head around all of this. Suddenly it feels like... a lot, and she feels very much like she wishes her father was here to council her on it. He had been so well respected, had worked so hard because his line was so new to holding the seat of Talonhold, and she wonders if she can do nearly so well. If she is going to be able to make it so good and safe a home for her wife and her child as he did for his.

"Ale," she agrees, a little thrown, "and— cider, perhaps. Candied fruit for the children."

"Believe me, the moment those words came out of Jarl Ingstead's mouth, they started preparing, wife."

Because yes, articulate. Very. It's then she makes sure to look back, up at her wife, then, nod slowly, beginning to take note of that too. "Their happiness should be ours. Ours should be theirs." Leaning up, she presses her face against the side of Magni's, nuzzling against the side of her cheek. "I will take care of it all. Do not worry about it. This is my duty. All you need do is drink."

It does beg one question, the most important one. One that makes sure she sets down her quill and parchment in her lap. Reaching up to touch her wife's face carefully. "You are happy, aren't you? Parties aside, of course."

She leans into the contact, then, hungry for the comfort and the reassurance.

"I'm beyond happy to have you, and that we have— a child who will join us." Those two things give her more joy than she can find the words for. She swallows though, and her gaze drops. "I was not a good wife, in the beginning. I am still learning how to be Jarl. I... I hope I am a good mother. I lean on you so much already."

Too much, maybe. What if all that is more than Lakshmi wishes to manage?

She doesn't part from her, her hand lifting to cup Magni's face, smoothing across the side of her cheek to tilt her face down. Not to kiss her, but to look at her. "That is mighty praise, indeed. Consider I had not the faintest clue about you. I spent months thinking you loathed me and you wished me gone just for being near you."

Lakshmi brushes the tip of her nose against Magi's softly. "I do not think, or hope, I know you will be a great mother."

Magni's expression turns a little wry. "Was that not because of my manner?"

Her awkwardness, her uncertainty and shyness manifesting as aloofness. Her brow furrows. "I don't want our child to think I loath them."

"Some," the admittance, plain, there could be no denying how hard she found Magni's silence in those early months. "The rest was everyone else in my ears." Her nose wrinkles, unhappy with the memory, not least the meddling that they'd both endured.

"They will not, for they will grow up speaking Jarl Magni," the teasing is light, niggling over the secret language of silence Magni used. "And where you might stumble, I will be there, and where I stumble, so too will you be able to help."

"And if I had spoken that might not have hurt you."

It lies with her, in her eyes. Egocentric, most likely, and yet what suffering might she have spared her, her Rani who is dearest to her?

Where she looks to her Rani, there is so much worry. "You should not have suffered as you did.'

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