mahalakshmi | AU - MAGNI & LAKSHMI

AU - MAGNI & LAKSHMI

if you'll be my light, i'll be your shelter

i. first meeting | a non existent engagement and a hasty marriage

ii. a tempertantrum in a thunderstorm | sticks and stones may break my bone but words will leave me with crippling anxiety (and a headcold)

iii. a kindness of intimacies | nsfw, sometimes, love is like falling into an icy lake

iv. just like the battle of troy, there is nothing subtle here | when the world conspires to consistently make you insecure about your wife.

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Twenty-six days, twenty-six days since they had told her, most surely, her wife must be dead. The Jarl of Talonhold, must have perished in the ocean.

She knew why, when the news broke like a storm cloud, that Magni's ship had been swept up in a storm at the Jarl's landsmeet. They saw, in that moment, not the wife of the Hold, from an ancient and powerful noted for how they had done war, served in loyalty unto death. But a woman, only two years into her marriage, and well into her seventh month pregnant, sitting alone, and vulnerable in her seat of power. Beginning to slow down in her pace, as she carried the child of a mountain. Waddling about, her belly huge. After all, how could she have gained any sort of loyalty of those around her? The Jarl's little, dark-eyed, quiet and reserved, wife.

They didn't realise - or they did and misunderstood, perhaps, that by the same magic that bound them together by a miracle of a child, she knew her wife had not passed. The words form as she stood, listless, staring, reaching to brush her belly: "A mountain could not be swallowed so readily by the sea". But that did not stop them from trying, vying for her attention, either in the hand of marriage or to intimidate her into giving way.

The worst of all of the was Jarl Aleksander.

He, they, misunderstood who she was. What she was. That after the news broke, Lakshmi tore down the first sign of mourning. That she stood, proud, and declared the words to be carried out to every corner of their lands. The Jarl is not dead, we are bound, I know her to live still. Refusing to declare that her wife was dead in any capacity, to step down from the position of stand-in of rule, of Lakshmi, as Grivenne, and Magni's own mother as second only to her. That every day, despite the people of the Hold coming to pay their respects, she insisted upon it happily, bouying them as much as herself, as daily they would pray with her, ask not of news of the Jarl, but of the baby, if they might approach and give a blessing. She surrounded herself in them, and all others that came to visit the same way. Changing her garments, just enough, that pregnant belly was on display for all to see, and with it, why this chair was hers. Could not be mistaken.

But then came Jarl Aleksander.

His presence so instantly made her glad for Fjorleif and her own mother Baghirathi who had stayed after her father and most of their family had left, as they stand either side of her as she sat in the chair that had been hers since the day she came to this place. She had expected just one more well-wisher. But it was not to be, Jarl Aleksander - a cousin, Fjorleif hissed in her ear, and one with a claim -

But it would never be enough when there are wolves at your door. They crowded in, and as the month had dragged out into the eighth month, she could feel how they bore down. He started with the insistence of paying his respects for Magni's death, for where she had to have died, wondering when this arrangement of Lakshmi and her mother in law, would come to an end? Surely now that she was a widow so young, she would want to go away and mourn. Perhaps back to her mother's lands? Men with him, more cousins, was the explanation, land-hungry, with sons who wanted more land of their own. Then in progress, he did not fear her, why should he? Misread, in some aspects, but right in others. His insistence became more speculatively bold, what did she know that others did not? She certainly protested, so very much, but a month later, who knew the right of it. There were rights, that had to be upheld and she was disrespecting without a good reason why. There were people who had entitlements upon a Jarl's death, that had to be given what they were owed.

It was always going to come to this. Facing down the men that finally decided that her delusion had gone on long enough and demanded she declare it to be truth. That she, in her position, must stand down as just a widow of the Hold. That when the wretched Jarl, speak - it was not to her, his arm stretching wide like he already had declared his right to rule to the people, speaks out, pontificating with a sweeping arm. He did not do it for himself, oh no, it is to speak of that he could not help but wonder she had not hungered after the position for herself.

To that, Lakshmi stands, her voice rising - furious - hot. Her spine pressed straight, her long black shoulder pooling down both her sides. The words fierce in response. "I wonder at the man who so eagerly waits for the demise of my wife, I wonder what he wants from such a thing? "

His smile is wry, dripping, "The good of the Hold, that I do not want to see it passed over to a usurper."

The hall around them bristled, quiet, deadly, deadly quiet.

Lakshmi was not a fool, there were guards, there always would have been guards, absolutely loyal to her, to Talonhold, the babe that grew inside of her. "The Hold? I carry the Hold in my belly, I carry the child of these mountains, and I will never see that children's inheritance passed over to another." Determined, but more than that, her voice raising up, cutting through the tension of the air.

His laughter is rich and mocking: "Of Talonhold? Forgive me, my grivenne, but we all know the Jarl's judgement when it came to trusting whores was poor."

Around the room, the blades slithered against sheaths.

Then the door banged open, and Lakshmi swore the sun blew in on the wind with it. Magni, Magni, Magni. The gasp around the room is immediate, loud, and the tension in the room, shifts. But she did not look to see, she did not need to. It was her wife. Alive. Just as she knew it always would be.

Instead, she fixes her gaze straight on Aleksander. Her face tilting up, imperious, a daughter of great warriors. Her body moving forward. Watching him, directly, unflinchingly as she moves across the room. To her wife. She's alive. She wants to crumble, her legs to give out underneath her. To grasp Magni and kiss her so desperately, over and over and over until she could be sure.

She does nothing of the sort. Instead, in front of Magni she falls to a deep bow. Just the one, before rising up, and then without warning, she snatches the blade from her hip. Pulling the sword from her side, her authority with it, that stood behind her, metaphorically and literally. It was too heavy for what she was trained in, but she didn't falter, no matter how this late in the morning, these days, she was usually ready to sleep. The blade pointed forward, leading her straight to Aleksander. She does not need to say I am right and you are wrong. It stands in front of them. "Leave. Now. Or I will declare that in Talonhold, liars have their tongue cut from their head."

He couldn't move faster as he leaves the hall, and with a broiled over anger she cannot help it, that perhaps, she wished he had wanted him to be less sensible, so she could cut his slippery tongue out. It's then, she turns back, the blade held deliberately so in her hands. ( A wedding day, a half memory away now ). Then drops it, so she can jump up, and fling both her arms around Magni's neck. Dragging her down, with the best of ability with her stomach in the way, into an embrace.

If there is cheering, she doesn't hear it, too busy pressing her face into Magni's neck.

There are many people needing to be spoken to, to be embraced, to be thanked. There are those loyal who had stood by Rani's side that she cannot thank enough, for honouring their oaths, and moreso, for supporting she who was dearest to her. She cannot look to them yet, but wraps her arms around her Lakshmi, her lioness, her queen. Inhales the scent of her, feels the warmth of her skin, and she wishes more than anything that she could just collapse against her and hold her and forget against the rest of the world for a time.

It cannot be so. Not yet. Propriety hangs over them, as always it does. "I love you." Her fierce one. Her wonder, all these things she wishes to call her and cannot yet.

Her mother is at their side, leans up to kiss Magni's hair, squeezes Lakshmi's shoulder. The world beyond Lakshmi demands her already. With a gentle squeeze she releases Lakshmi, but keeps one hand at her lower back as her free arm embraces her mother, and she bows respectfully to Baghirathi, kisses her hand in thanks.

She needs to speak to the others present, and she feels so tired— but she must. Lakshmi has done so much this past month. She must do this. "My friends, I— thank all of you for standing at Talonhold's side. All of you who serve, who have been friends to those dearest to me and who have shown the truth of your hearts, I thank from the very bottom of my own." A breath. Talking, talking, talking. She is not so good at the talking. "There is much to discuss, and there are some of Talonhold still recovering who I will send assistance to presently. I think— I think tonight all of us returning will need to rest, but tomorrow evening we will all dine together, and arrangements will be made for a service to honour those who have not returned home."

A Jarlsmeet was not meant to have this cost. She feels so tired, and so fragile, and she is trying to force it back and away as much as possible, as she lets herself look back to her Rani, and and despite herself, despite her need to do better, her gaze asks if she did that right. In truth, she's so exhausted she barely knows.

She binds around her tightly, refusing to loosen her arms from her. For that second, she is near hysterical simple relief that is presented to her.

You were dead, they all told me you were dead - my love, my love, she looks up at her, stricken so. She wants to kiss her soundly, to push all these people away from them. But once more, and again, it must come second. But, not before is breathless in the return. "I love you."

This might be the most she has heard Magni speak so long. Oh, she does it, when she must. When she must usually was days of preparation, practised turns of phrase which Lakshmi did her best to help her with. Never this, never when she was this tired. Something pulled so sweetly in her chest as she stayed beside her, watching her. She looked starved, haggard. Had it been worse than what they had been told to believe?

( Lakshmi did not need to be told as they had repeated it to her over and over her. Her nights broken up screaming and alone, as she pictured Magni's body torn apart on rocks, bloated by the sea, as her mothers both here now, rocked her to stop her hammering heart, eased her screamed weeping, as they desperately did their best after bleeding on behalf of the child when she was ready to tear down the walls ).

Alive, she must remember. Alive. But she wouldn't, not until even after they were done. After taking it all in, Lakshmi's eyes slide away briefly in the speech to the head of the staff, her new Lady, Devi, to tell her to begin preparation for their chambers.

The rest is given over to Magni, when she turns back, to slide her hand up to cup her face with a single hand. Touching gently, and the warmth and pride could not be mistaken. Her mountain. Her great and powerful mountain, who shook at times like the earth could, but was all raw power that could never be mistaken. "Rest, for all. This has been enough for one day."

The tone is clear as she takes Magni's hand and begins to lead her through the crowd, as she does not even lift a hand to dismiss the hold's petitioners for the day. They, no doubt, could understand. Especially, when her relief is too, their relief. The deep and respectful bows part the way in front of them. The way that hands reach out, praising them both. For good luck and a good recovery, for their Jarl who had returned to them, that the Mountain-Father truly blessed them. Proof, proof could be not plainer.

For their Jarl had come back from the dead.

She looks to Krogstad, with the others that stand with him, that travelled so far with her, and he offers her a smile. Fjorleif is speaking to Baghirathi in earnest, and then moves towards Krogstad to greet him. A member of the household, yes, but an old friend as well, and she embraces him warmly. Between the two matriarchs, Krogstad, Nørgaard and Benedicte, she was certain that the people who helped them on their challenging journey would be rewarded, and those of Talonhold still recovering elsewhere would have aid sent to them. Nørgaard, a man only a few years older than herself, with a wife of his own he is eager to get back to, catches her eye and nods. It will be done, his expression says, and she nods back in turn, relieved. Good people were so much at her side, she barely knew what she had ever done to deserve them.

Everything feels a bit hazy after that. Making it back through the hall, seeing some faces that she had known her entire life (nobility, members of the household, each so valued) and felt that she was home, but it was Lakshmi's hand holding hers that made her feel steady, safe, that she could keep moving one foot in front of the other and stand upright long enough to make it to some sanctuary.

She follows, follows, until they are alone in a place where they were truly alone (at least, as alone as they ever could be,) and she tugs Lakshmi's hand. Stop walking, and just pleads her wife to come closer to her, now they have this moment. Where they are hardly matters. She's barely registered their actual location.

Their quarters are too far, and too many stairs, away. So they do not make it so far. Rather, Lakshmi had pooled all the house guards to the hall when she knew the trouble would start from less important places.

But it means now, the library is empty. Small and intimate. The great walls of books like a buffer of sound. She locks the door behind them, occupied with that before she feels the tug.

And with it, everything else falls away, the fear and relief and longing on her face that had been kept hidden bubble over, desperately reach back for Magni. Properly this time. "They said I had lost you," how she whispers it, like she didn't even want to say it. "but I knew I hadn't. I knew you would not go and not come back to me, first."

Like such simple promises could be want changed fate. Maybe they were. Maybe right now, they were the only thing that mattered. Her face twists up in the pain of it and arms wrap around her.

Her hands clasp her Lakshmi, feeling over her waist, her hips, grasp her shoulders. Her fingers map along her collarbones, gently rest against her neck, thumbs brushing her jaw. She leans down, resting their foreheads together only briefly, kisses her brow, her cheekbones, the corner of her mouth, mumbling against her lips. "Nothing could keep me from you."

She was her guiding star, her compass. She felt a draw back to her that was as certain as the force of magnets, of the pull back to the earth, as the tides of the sea. Just as when the cold had shocked her and threatened to force all the air from her and the thought of Lakshmi kept her able to move, so too had she ensured that she did not, could not give up. And now there was not only her beloved, but their little one.

"My heart beats for you."

"As mine does for you."

She doesn't let go of her, only, she pulls back, that scared, longing filled look on her face that marrs her brow, pinches her mouth together as her hand lifts from Magni's shoulder. Not to travel far, just one linger lifting to brush the outside of her cheek in what could only be deemed reverence.

"Every Jarl in these lands could try to part us, every Raj with a thousand elephants. But they could no more take my heart from my chest, without it, I would surely perish, and for it, I would never stop fighting to protect it." her eyes down, a moment, distracted very momentarily, as she takes Magni's hand with a faint smile. Guiding it to brush against her baby bump. "nothing but little turns, all month without you. Then this morning, I was woken with a strong kick. I think they knew." she had taken it as a sign. No doubt a child born in such a union would have known better than anyone. Wasn't that the superstition anyway?

Because as she lays the hand there, the response was there. The press of feet against her palm, where - Lakshmi winces certainly for the force of the kick - the baby seemed at once more lively.

The Mountain-Father himself might be cautioned by how intensely she adores her. She watches her with a quiet wonder, cannot imagine that there is any way she can respond that will do justice to how those words have moved her, how her Lakshmi moves her. Her breath is shallow in her chest, and she is about to draw her into an embrace, when—

a kick. Magni's mouth is caught in a surprised, thrilled smile. Kisses Lakshmi's cheek, and murmurs against her ear, "Min løveinne, your words—" Maybe trying to speak was a poor choice. Never her strength, and she is already so tired, so exhausted. "I wish I could explain." How Lakshmi makes her feel, how she feels about Lakshmi, let her know beyond any doubt how much Magni adores her. There could never be words for that. It seems madness to try.

Another kiss to her Rani's cheek, before she kneels down before Lakshmi, kisses the swell of her belly, and rests her forehead against it. "Be kind to your mother, little cub." I missed you, too. I love you.

Lakshmi shakes her head, mirthful now in a way that wants to lead into hysterical sobbing, even now. Her hands cupping the back of Magni's head. Smoothing through her hair, combing where it is loose, tracing where it is braided. Reverently touching over her in a way that is almost unconscious in how she can't part from her. Touching every bit of her.

"That task is yours I'm afraid, there is none from the little one."

Another kiss to her belly, nuzzling against it for a moment, as she enjoys the sensation of Lakshmi's fingers in her hair, savours that simple contact after near a month without that closeness, that simple intimacy which has to be as essential to her as breathing. Looking up from where she kneels, Magni tilts her head to kiss her Rani's wrist, leaning into the contact.

"That is no task. You inspire kindness in others."

She curls around her face with her hand, as she leans in, cupping her head, wanting so badly to sink down with her like this. Comfortably close and alone. Drape about her like she so often did, feel their skin as close as possible, know at long last the only comfort she has imagined these long days: hearing Magni's heart beat steady below her ear.

( There isn't much stopping her, truth be told, just that this belly has made it a sure thing that if she falls over it takes a good deal of effort to get back up again. )

Rather she looks down at her, it might just be the next best thing. "My Ishq, so do you." More than once, for all they might be understood beyond their own quarters, Magni was ever the more even tempered one of them.

A smile, at that. A smile that doubtless betrays her exhaustion, how much of a toll these weeks of uncertainty and separation have been. Her lips are chapped, she is thinner, and there are dark circles under her eyes, but she braces herself and pushes up to stand. She feels the need to bathe and eat and rest and all of those things seem like nigh-impossible hurdles at the moment, now that they are just the two of them. In truth she would sooner just lean against Lakshmi and stay there for hours.

"I must smell terrible," she says quietly, not self conscious so much as faintly apologetic, with a breath of laughter in it.

She looks so terribly warn, so terribly exhausted. How it pulls, tight inside her chest. It was better - better than being tormented nightly by images of her face, pallid with death, her blue eyes drowned away. Despite the weight of her belly, how hard it is to bend and twist, she leans down, to kiss her soundly. Pressing her lips against hers to chase the sound of her laughter.

"You smell like you, and I am glad for it." But not pleasant, some faint tang of sea on still mattered in her hair, mingled with the sweat and salt of her own body, grief like in how it seemed to hang close. "Come, they will have sorted our quarters by now. You can bathe. Have clean clothes. Our bed again." Have me to hold, and I you, and we need not part from one another for many hours.

The bed she had refused to leave but had let no one else come into until she knew her Magni had lived.

"I hope someone saw to calling the doctor," she says by way of quiet agreement. They are all of them bruised and battered and stiff, and would benefit from medical inspection, just to know that no damage will be lingering. Krogstad was strong, but he was still an older man, and though he was already a dark grey, now his hair was more run through with silver. And then—

"I need to see to sending help to our people. There's work to do." A reminder to herself. She can't rest, not yet. Bathing and resting would have to wait, though her body feels like it might come apart at the prospect of needing to do more. She just wants to hold her Rani close, inhale the scent of her, feel the kicks of their baby under her palm.

"There is, and right now, you share it with us. No doubt your mother has already sent word for them, and sent them to your men." She takes Magni's hands in her own and beckons her up by way of a little tug. "You can give the rest of your orders in the bath."

A coaxing compromise, she hopes, as she beckons her closer, nearer. "You made it, you are here now, let us look after the rest." Her mountain was going to crumble if she pushed herself too much further, harder, could feel that rumbling earthquake below the surface.

Standing is harder than it has any right to be, and where she would normally stand with no difficulty, now Magni has to pause and ease herself up as her muscles protest the work. Her Rani hardly needs to prompt her closer, she is already moving so, nodding her understanding. She couldn't do everything, and recovering was important - she needed to be there for her wife, her little one, all their people. She just wishes that it felt less like giving in, to let herself relax when so much had happened and so many had perished in the storm.

"I might—" her jaw works uncomfortably. "I might have nightmares. I want you with me, but you need to sleep," for her own health, for the baby, and Magni can't in good conscience beg Lakshmi to sleep by her side with how disturbing her dreams have been. I need to be stronger than this.

Lakshmi shakes her head in dismissal of the idea that Magni would even be apart from her for a second from here on out. Recovery or otherwise.

"I need to sleep, it is true, and I can only have it when you are with me." She lifts both her hands, sliding against her cheeks, cupping her face. "Only now can I rest, now that I have you again."

She leans up, standing all the way on her tiptoes that half makes her topple from being out of balance from her far too big belly. But not to go far, only to kiss her forehead soundly. "We will face your dreams, together. And when you wake, I will be there to tell you where you are."

With me, with me, with me.

As the risk of toppling comes, Magni braces her hands against Lakshmi's sides to make sure she is steady, and leans down to make the kiss easier, leaning into the contact hungrily.

For long moments she is silent, not sure how to speak without her voice betraying her, without making the weakness all too apparent, hands holding tightly onto Lakshmi.

"I missed you." Miserable with it, her voice finally cracking.

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AU - MAGNI & LAKSHMI

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